Sunday, April 24, 2011

Kroger Artisan Vanilla Bean Ice Cream

From the maker: "Natural & artificially flavored Kroger Deluxe Ice Cream is the perfect everyday indulgence."

You can be sure that if they don't understand that "everyday" and "indulgence" are dichotomous, then "artificially flavored" and "artisan" won't strike them as incongruous, either.

Also, as happens so often with these distinctly non-artisan products, I am wondering what the word artisan was meant to modify. The vanilla beans? Because that is a definite rule four violation. An orchid made those.

The ice cream? Because when your product contains any one of the following (and this puppy has them all) you are also disqualified: High Fructose Corn Syrup, Artificial Flavors, Cellulose Gel, Guar Gum, Cellulose Gum, Mono- and Diglycerides, Locust Bean Gum, Polysorbate 80 & Carrageenan.

This is so not artisan that it makes me want to go to Kroger and punch some random shelf stocker in the throat. Collective punishment is sometimes warranted.


  1. OMG, I just came home from Kroger's and said to my husband, "why on earth would they call this vanilla ice cream 'artisan vanilla bean', what on earth can they be thinking?" Then ensued a brief conversation as to what we understood the term artisan to mean. Followed by, "let's google it". Followed by your very funny blog. Well done. The same cannot be said of Krogers.

  2. Can you Please write about Ayala "organic" and "artisan" herbal water...!

  3. Regardless of what you all think, I think this particular ice cream is soooooo delicious!

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