Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Artisan Vanilla Extract

Let me get this straight: you drop a couple vanilla bean pods (made by an orchid, as we have discussed previously) into some alcohol, let it steep for a while and that makes you an artisan? By that token, my unfinished martini from last night is a mere two months away from being an artisan olive extract. I can't wait!!

From the website: "Masterfully grown on plantations in the South Pacific and the Bourbon (Reunion) Islands, ripened on the vine, cured carefully and bought to California, this 'Vanilla Panifola Andrews' and 'Vanilla Tahitensis' will create new taste sensations in all of your culinary adventures."

Jesus. Where to start? "Masterfully grown"? That's just idiotic. And frankly, it seems perilously close to taking credit from the farmer/orchid raiser, which is a whole new level of ass-hattery we have not seen before.

"On plantations"? Seriously?! Colonialist imagery is not a plus in my food. I am kind of a fair-trade girl. But I suppose the kind of person who would seek out "artisan extracts" would be really big on slavery, too. That's a generalization I am perfectly willing to make and stand behind.

"New taste sensations in all of your culinary adventures?" These people are clearly a bunch of puppy-eating elderly abusers.

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