Thursday, May 26, 2011

Artisan Vegan Sausages

Originally, this blog post was to be just one word, "no". But as you've probably noticed, I can't be that succinct, nor can my snark be so easily contained. I am spoiling to drop an f-bomb, and feel almost cosmically cheated that I already used my quota on artisan sprinkles.

Artisan VEGAN sausages.

I am tempted to add a rule: If it is vegan it is not artisan. Fart's sake, people...There is no long history of faking real food by manipulating "vital wheat gluten". Really, there's not. You may be a clever (but more likely evil) food scientist to isolate "vital wheat gluten", but you are not an artisan.

These not-sages come in three varieties. The Italian says it is "traditionally seasoned with fresh eggplant". I am not going to actually google this, but I feel pretty confident in stating as fact that traditional Italian sausage does not contain eggplant. It contains PORK. And is stuffed into PIG INTESTINES.

If you ask me, the only way to make artisan vegan sausages is to hand grind the vegan yourself.


  1. Found you through Doctor Grumpy and have been scrolling back through old posts. This is your best line so far:
    If you ask me, the only way to make artisan vegan sausages is to hand grind the vegan yourself.

  2. Ahm well,wheat gluten aka seitan is used since ~3000 years in asia in place of meat.

    Asia has a long tradition of making seitan/gluten mock meats and sausages.

    Seitan was made by washing the starch out of wheat dough, no chemical or similiar modern technical stuff needed to make seitan.

    Just much kneading.

    Interesting that you think wheat is not a real food,are you gluten intolerant?

    But yes, I also do not like this artisan hype going on..and I do not think adding egg plant adds any remarkable flavour.

    Eggplants are known as a vegetable that takes on flavours very well,but they do not flavour dishes remarkably