Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Macaroni Grill Artisan Ricotta Meatball Sliders

I have been away a while. Naively, I imagined my rage had seeped into the consciousness of corporate America and this godforsaken trend had ended. Well, that and I got lazy as balls. But I am back. ...And this time with sandwiches.

The fine folks at the strip mall bistro, Macaroni Grill, have a new line of Artisan Sandwiches. Ayup. At a stone's throw from a Bed Bath and Beyond, this is a classic artisan fail.

In any case, the artisans at Macaroni Grill have painstakingly crafted three different sandwiches, and it was a toss up whether to talk about the roasted turkey sandwich or these: Artisan Ricotta Meatball Sliders. Since the only thing to rival my hatred for faux-artisan is pretty much any kind of slider, these won.

"But look at the adorable little butter rolls," you say. "And the Parmesan cheese that comes in shreds instead of  the powdered form. That must be artisan!" I know. It's confusing. ...Because it look just like the sliders your great grandmother ate in Naples. But for one thing: No self-respecting Italian ever ate such a retarded freaking little sandwich. I'm not even sure Italians eat meatballs. (Feel free to not send me a Wiki article on this.)

What, exactly is wrong with a full-sized meatball sandwich? Why do you need three little ones? Wouldn't a true artisan be able to properly portion a meatball sub? I mean, isn't that part of the years of training?

To borrow, and paraphrase, a line I stole from my dad,  you really only need two of these. One to shit on and one to cover it up with.

....aaaaand scene!

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