Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Sweet Street Artisan Reeses Peanut Butter Cookies

If I could crap into a fluted, brown, waxed paper wrapper, I might duplicate the artisan skill with which these atrocities have been made.

The master chefs at Food Service Direct bring you Artisan Reeses Peanut Butter Cookies. Or did the skilled craftspeople at Reeses bring you these? It's all so confusing in the artisan world of poorly placed modifiers.

In any case, I love the web copy on these: "This Big and Chunky 5 inch cookie is loaded with creamy peanut butter and honey roasted peanuts. Wearing Reeses Peanut Butter chunks on top, it beckons your guests to buy the ultimate peanut butter experience. Reeses is the number one selling candy in the country."

It has it all: Random word capitalization, creepy anthropomorphic imagery ("wearing" chunks??) and the USDA recommended daily allowance of puffery bullshit. Also, too, if someone is your guest, why they hell are you making them BUY the cookie??

Finally, in the 30 plus ingredients - about half way in - we have, and I am not joking, "Non Fat Milk" followed directly by "Milk Fat".

...words fail me.


  1. Hi there! We here at the VBB collective just love this blog. We've given you an award! Stop by & pick it up some time. I promise it is not artisan.

  2. I like to buy nonfat milk and add in my own milk fat. WTF?

  3. The first sentence of this post, without doubt,is the funniest thing I have read in years.

  4. Whoever you are, please continue this blog!! We are kindred spirits. I, also driven to the edge over the use of this term artisanal, have started my own quest to understand just what has happened to world:

    If these cookies are artisanal, what does this mean for anyone who has taken time to learn a craft and practice a craft? What can we call art now that we have artisanal lettuce?