Thursday, November 10, 2011

Angie's Artisan Treats - Kettle Corn

You knew it was out there somewhere, didn't you? Artisan popcorn. Oh, excuse me, artisan kettle corn. (The kettle part is important, I gather. As we learned from the chicken stock, there is a longstanding artisan "kettle cooking tradition".)

First off, corn is a plant. And rule four says, if a plant made it, it ain't artisan.

I would stop there, but I can't. It simply must be mentioned that kettle corn is carnie food. If there is any tradition at all related to it, it involves inbred, grifter hillbillies. Are you an inbred, grifter hillbilly, Angie? ARE YOU?!

The kettle corn comes in three flavors, Classic, Caramel and Lite. The Caramel includes "natural flavor" in the ingredients. And Lite? "Lite" is not even a flavor. And it sure as shit is not a real word, applicable to artisan anything.

Angie, you may not be an inbred hillbilly, but you are, most definitely, a grifter. I suggest you put your coffee cans fulll of money into your Winnebago and skip town before the people catch on.


  1. I'm a fan!

    Love how you call out the JA's. Those phonies are crawling out from under every rock.

  2. Well whatever they are it is delicious! They are best popcorn I have ever tried!! Especially there Holiday drizzle mmm!

  3. And what is it that you make? Probably shit on a shingle or some other piece of overpriced honky junk. And as for me I pop kettle corn for a living and although I like being called a white trash redneck thank God I dont have my head shoved so far up my pompous ass that I have to belittle someone just to dignify a Term meaning something made with ones hand. In that case let me salute you with my artisanal middle finger.

  4. King kettle seems to miss the point, what surprise. If you are producing 80, 000 bags of anything and shipping it all over the planet you clearly are not making it on small batches and what an art. The story was concocted at a marketing meeting to sell popcorn. It is ashamed that people are so eidily conned.

    Cheers carny

    1. Surprise surprise it is made in small batches and is hard work to make but you are assuming you are right so maybe you need to reflect on the old assuming saying because you just made an ass out of yourself. Take a vacation to Mankato MN and tour are plant before you post something like this!!!!