Artisan Pancake Mix

Where to start, where to start...Have you ever made pancakes? Has your five year old? If your food is something a five year old can make, it is not artisan.

If you haven't made pancakes, let me tell you what is in them: flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, sugar, milk and butter. Pancakes are the bread equivalent of mashed potatoes. A monkey can make them. And even a half-retarded monkey does not need to use a freaking mix.

The fact that a product like pancake mix even exists is proof that human civilization is on the decline. When cooking has become a just-add-water proposition, you should just go ahead and plug yourself into the matrix.

But, no. There is a whole aisle of the supermarket devoted to the needs of people who can't figure out how to measure out cups of flour and spoons of leavening and then, gasp, add fluids. So now, next to the Bisquick and Krusteaz (which may be the grossest food name ever, by the way) you can get the extra fancy carton of food-like powder. It's fancy because it has vanilla!

Artisan pancake mix. ...Mr. Anderson...you disappoint me.