Saturday, July 2, 2011

Artisan Gluten-Free, Wheat-Free, Teff Wraps

If you ever, ever get to a point in your life where you consider putting gluten-free, wheat-free, whole grain, ivory teff wraps in your mouth, please stop. Stop.

I mean stop living. Because really, it cannot be worth it.

In the cock-up that is the packaging for these awful little grain frisbees, they managed to resist calling them artisan for approximately 10,000 words, ...but then just couldn't help themselves when they got to the lower left corner. It's there: "6 artisan wraps".

These things, besides not being artisan, are an affront to flatbreads worldwide. Seriously. Even Jesus, with his infinite love and oft-proven willingness to show up on tortillas around the globe, would not get near a teff wrap.

In addition to being a violation in concept, there are numerous disqualifiers in the ingredients list: soy lecithin, colloid powder (cellulose gum, maltodextrin, carrageenan), guar gum, calcium propionate???

Jesus wept.

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